30 Years of Life

If in the past year you asked me how it felt to be turning 30, I probably have either given you a look, mumbled something incoherent, or defensively declared that I don't look 29 anyway. It's just that I've always seen the 20's as the most fun period of your life, so when I turned 29 and realized I won't be a 20-something any longer, I started to dread January 18, 2009.

But the Lord has a sense of humor and chose my birthday as CFC's pro-life rally at St. Columba. And as every year, my birthday's only a few days away from the March for Life in DC. With these two events, I realized that I should be happy I'm 30. God has given me 30 years of life (and hopefully more). A lot of people do not even reach 30. A lot of people did not have the happy moments that I had in my 30 years of living. 

I also realized not being thankful for reaching 30 is kinda like disrespecting my mom. Here's the story. When she was pregnant with me, there was an incident which resulted with her bleeding. She went to the doctor and he said she miscarried and there was no way I survived so they just better get rid of me. My mom was inconsolable. But she didn't want to believe that I was gone. So she went to another doctor for a second opinion. Thankfully this doctor said there's hope, I can still make it. A few months later on January 18, 1979, I was born.  

And 30 years later, I marched in the cold streets of DC in defense of the lives of the unborn.

March for Life '09

Praise God for my mom, and praise God for the gift of life.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas season '08 is awesome. I get the best of both worlds by celebrating the season in Maryland and Manila.

I've been in Maryland for over 5 years now and I've grown to love how the season is celebrated here. Radio stations that play only Christmas songs, snow, ginormous Christmas trees in DC and the Rockefeller center, a jillion Christmas movies and television specials on TV, etc.

Of course, nothing beats the Christmas festivities that you grew up on. In 5 days, I will be embarking on a plane that will take me home to Manila. Due to the time difference I will arrive the wee hours of Monday morning, Dec. 22nd. Which is still before Christmas so I will still get to experience the pre-Christmas activities and festivities that I missed so much. Going to Alabang Town Center to do some last minute shopping while Christmas songs play in the background, attending Simbang Gabi, eating puto bumbong right after, wrapping gifts on a big table (doing so in the small confines of my room is extremely difficult - especially with the big toys that need to be wrapped), watching the MMFF Parade of Stars (what? It has always been a ritual), watching ABS-CBN's stars lipsync Christmas songs on TV (pretty lame, but again, a ritual), the awesome Christmas vigil mass where the church choir is at their best and you wish your neighbors a merry Christmas, etc.

I love the days leading to Christmas. For some reason once Dec. 1st hits, I get extra happy (sometimes I even become nicer). It's like the atmosphere changes, and people are jollier and kinder. Must be the Christmas spirit upon us (pretty hard to ignore when you're in a store w/ the Christmas songs playing in the background). But you could feel the anticipation. And then Christmas comes and you spend it with your family, then Dec. 26th comes and it's like, so what do we do now? Hee. Good thing my cousin planned a post-Christmas outing in Tagaytay.

But the Christmas season is definitely the most wonderful time of the year not just because of the things that I mentioned above, but because of the reason for the season - Jesus. This is the time that we prepare ourselves for the coming of Christ. When we ready our hearts by going to confession or adoration or mass or whatever. I am so thankful that I am coming home to Manila soon because as I previously mentioned in an earlier post, our parish's adoration chapel is open 24/7. And I could just walk or jog there (yay more reason for me to run and get fit). I am so excited for Simbang Gabi as that will serve as my daily mass. This upcoming Christmas vacation is a welcome break from all of the work stuff and service stuff. This is my time to take a step back from my real world and refocus on Christ. Spend more time with him because it is, after all, his long birthday party. What better way to celebrate it than to spend it at the country that is known that have the longest Christmas season :)

Old Post from '05

After 3 years of ignoring MySpace, I logged back in to my old account earlier today because I had nothing better to do. I read some of my old blog entries there and cracked up on this one, entitled "Frog!!!"

I was peacefully reading a soccer magazine in my room when my sister banged on the door. I calmly opened it and and my sister exclaimed, "I saw a frog downstairs, on the wall! A tiny neon green one!"

AAAAAAAAAH... and I slammed the door on her face.

I realized I was rude and opened the door a fraction of an inch. "Umm... what the heck is a frog doing inside our house and for the love of Kermit GET IT OUT!!!"

My sister realized I was of no help at all because I reacted worse than she did (I seriously have a big fear of frogs - give me bugs, snakes, cockroaches, worms, anything - NO FROGS). She went to my brother-in-law so I slammed the door again, and locked it. Because, yeah, frogs can turn doorknobs. I nervously glanced at the gap between the door and the floor, in fear that the frog would decide to go upstairs and sneak through that gap. The thought scared the crap out of me so I stood on my computer chair, ready to scream.

I then hear excited voices from downstairs. Apparently my niece & nephew are happy to have a new animal in the house. That's nice kids, WE'RE NOT KEEPING IT! You don't pay the mortgage, I do :P

From what my ears gather, my brother-in-law caught the frog and tried to show it to the kids. Once excited, were now crying. They ran upstairs to get away from the frog, so I silently prayed that my brother-in-law would not chase them upstairs because I will not be on the same floor as the frog is!

I hear my sister ask where it was and apparently it was brought outside. Umm... back in the pond far away or just out on the deck where I could see from my window and I could feel the frog staring at me??? My sister whined why it wasn't killed and all and my bro-in-law asked if she was crazy. She said so it won't come back anymore. My brother-in-law said it will knock if it wants to go back. Heh.

Wow I had some serious past tense/present tense issues back then. I probably still do :)

Your Glory Goes Beyond All Fame

 
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out

-From the Inside Out, Hillsong United

The gospel for today is about Martha and Mary. The latter chose to sit down and listen to Jesus while Martha slaved away in the kitchen. But what did Jesus say? He said Mary had her priorities straight by just listening to the word of God. Meanwhile Martha was worried about being a good hostess. This distracted her from what was really important. Her focus was not on God but on what she felt needed to be done.

For the past several weeks my brain's been consumed with work and service that I've forgotten to focus on what's really important. I figured, I should get a spiritual director so I could get some guidance in this rocky path we call life. So yesterday I asked an SFC brother, how does one find a spiritual director? He gave me a couple of suggestions on how I should look for the right spiritual director for me and my needs, and the one that really stuck was going to adoration. He said it will help so much if I go to daily adoration and ask for God's guidance, to lead me to the right spiritual director. I said cool, I'll Google adoration times in Maryland. While I'm at it, might as well look for adoration times in DC since I work there.

As you make your usual way through the city streets, aren't you happy when you discover another tabernacle? -St. Josemaria Escriva

Lo and behold, I found the Catholic Information Center (CIC), which is just a few blocks from my office. Daily adoration, daily mass, daily confession. They even have lectures and recollections. And a Catholic bookstore! I've been working in this office for over a year and I never knew about this? The CIC was placed there to support and nourish the working professionals in downtown DC. The mass and confession times are actually during the lunch break, and adoration right after. The lectures and recollections are after business hours. And you know what I love most about this? That it's located a few blocks away from an abortion center and a few blocks away from the White House. An SFC sister said it best when she said "There is a quiet strength about Catholics. They put the CIC near the Planned Parenthood and the White House as if to say: 'Okay, you wanna pass pro-choice bills and promote the culture of death? Fine, I'll put the store RIGHT HERE.' I love being Catholic."

Excited with this new find, I walked straight to the CIC, browsed through the bookstore and bought a book, then went inside the chapel for adoration. And there it was, the Holy Eucharist. There He was. Presence ever powerful, yet merciful and loving.

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

-Mighty to Save, Hillsong United

I surrendered my worries, fears, hurts and frustrations. I asked for forgiveness for being too busy to go to confession and for losing focus. And with all these I felt His great love envelope me. I felt like I wanted to hug the Eucharist, but I didn't want to scare off the old lady praying in the chapel.

It is such a blessing to be Catholic and have this chance to witness Christ in the physical form. It's like during the time of Moses when God asked him to build a tabernacle so that He could have a dwelling place with His people. And when God asked Solomon to build a temple. Because God is humble enough to physically be with us. I mean, He even became human through His son Jesus Christ just so we could be saved. How awesome is He?

Back in the Philippines, our parish's adoration chapel was open 24/7. I actually took that for granted and didn't really fully understand what it was about. I just thought there was a nearby chapel that's open all day so you could pray whenever. When I would accompany my mom to the adoration chapel, I would enjoy reading the books on the shelf and smelling the air conditioner (What? It smelled good okay). It was only when I moved here and found out that adoration is not 24/7 that I realized what it was really about and how important it is.

Just a few hours ago I went to our parish's Eucharistic adoration. Again what an amazing, humbling experience. To be in the presence of the King of kings. The holiest of all. Even though I have videos to edit and a TOB discussion group to prepare for, spending an hour in adoration was what I really needed to get things in place.

It is so easy to get caught up in worldly things and forget to spend time with our Father. I myself have a short attention span and can easily get distracted. I worry a lot, yet I forget to spend time with Him during these times. To worship and adore Him, for He is great and His promises solid as a rock. That my life itself is a testament to His glory. I pray that I will never forget that.

A Day of Sisterhood

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips. 
-Author Unknown

The gift of sisterhood is one of the things that I cherish the most. It's something that's solid and constant that you know will always be there no matter where you are in life. Even the little quirks that come with sisterhood are so special.

Yesterday at work, I had to do all sorts of computations for a big proposal, and whenever my brain needed a break I'd check my Gmail and my Google Talk window to hear from any of my sisters. One was asking about food for a potluck, one was lending her ear and giving feedback for something I've been discerning about, one was making me laugh by sharing some passport photo requirements (if you're not doing a "medium smile" your photo will be rejected), and one was commenting on a picture from Facebook (again).

By about 5:30 PM my brain was done - but I had something to look forward to. I was going to have dinner with four of my sisters at Ten Ren's to de-stress and just hang out. I was craving for Ten Ren's because the last time I was there I had the eel and... ugh! So I felt I had to go back and redeem my belief in Ten Ren's. And of course, my sisters were willing to be with me as I satisfy my craving.

This reminded me of those times in college when I would hang out in Starbucks with three of my YFC-DLSU sisters to de-stress from all of the schoolwork and just hang out and talk about girl stuff. Even after we graduated, and worked at places far from each other, the four of us would still hang out often at a coffee shop, a resto, or a bar, and again talk about girl stuff.

Anyway, back to Ten Ren's. We were lucky enough to get the couches by the window. Dette took some cards from the shelf and we played Uno while waiting for our food, then pusoy dos when we were full. We were so hungry we ordered so many things. But we got addicted to the edamame. I mean it's not the best-tasting thing in the world but you just can't help but take one and eat, then take another, and another, and another...

Oh by the way sisterhood is also about putting coins in your parking meter in the rain or walking with you to your meter if you're a little scared. 

When it was time to leave, or better yet, when the time in our meters was about to expire, Helen and I accompanied Wendy to her old apartment to pick up some things so she wouldn't have to be alone (the area is not the safest in the world). I'm not really much of a protector, especially since I look like I'm 12, but hey, there's safety in numbers.

As I was driving back I got calls from more of my sisters. One was asking about a shower, one just wanted to know what's going on, and one called to say she is willing to help me out with a discussion group next week. It's funny because I'm not much of a phone person but that night I spent some time catching up with some sisters I haven't talked to at length in a while. With the last caller, we also talked about discernment and the things occupying our time for the moment. Around 11:30 PM I called a sister to ask about an email she sent, and we ended up talking for quite a while as we shared about our service and the trials that come with them. I remember we had long conversations before on the phone when she'd call just to ask what's going on with my life and stuff, so it felt like old times. 

I think God gave us sisters to hold our sanity together. To keep us in check. To guard our backs. To make us laugh, cry... even laugh and cry at the same time (but still keeping our sanity of course). It is such a precious gift that I hope each woman has, and will hold dear in her heart for the rest of her life.  

New Background Color

From now until November 4th, this blog's background color will be green. 

Green is the color of life. So remember to choose life when you're in the voting booth.

Vote pro-life.

And to those that are in the Philippines, let your voices be heard. Speak up for those that could not.

Start the revolution for life. 

This is also to commiserate with my fellow Lasallians and beloved Green Archers. Animo!

Yes, I Took That Pic While Driving

Driving along I-695 towards Baltimore, I saw the scary nimbus clouds in front of me. The first thing I thought of was, is there an umbrella in my car? Second was, oh cool it looks like the apocalypse. Of course the song playing on the radio was "Firestarter" by Prodigy. Which kinda creeped me out (if you haven't seen the video, Prodigy looked pretty demonic there... Well they always look demonic actually).

So I thought of hell and what it might be like to spend eternity there (not that I'm planning to of course). Two days ago I went to the National Shrine with my mom, and at the book store I saw a book about hell and out of curiosity read a part of it. At Fatima, Mary showed the children what hell looked like and they got scared out of their wits. A vast sea of fire with a lot of blackened human forms screaming or groaning in pain. And then there were the animal-like demons. If they weren't promised a spot in heaven, they would have died in fear, Sister Lucy said. 

Funny enough the song switched to "Crossroads" by Bone Thugs N Harmony. First thing I thought was, what's up with the apocalyptic clouds and creepy songs? Second was, what would it take to go to heaven? How do I secure a spot over there? Can I RSVP?

If I am faithful to the commandments, which can be summed up to: love God and love my neighbors, then everything should be alright. Love God above all. Love my neighbors, and not just those who love me. Love strangers, love enemies, love everybody. Unconditionally.

See how it all comes back to love? Because God is love. He created us out of love. He created us because He wants to love us. And He created us to love. To love Him back and to love others. And a lot of times it is extremely hard. When trials come and things don't go our way, would we still decide to love God? When people betray or hurt us, would we still decide to love them?

This is where it matters the most, when it gets hard to love. When we realize whether we love unconditionally or conditionally. 

The key to heaven is love.

It's timely for me that CFC's theme this year is to love one another. God has been testing me this year regarding this. He's even testing me to love myself. And at times the tests really kick my butt and I would wish He'd stop. But I figured, it's gonna end some time right? I just gotta keep my head above water. Hang in there. Just practice patience and understanding and love and all that good stuff. God wants me to be a better person and that is why He tests me. So I should welcome all of the trials that He allows to happen. Bring it on! Hah. But not too much, okay? Kidding. Whatever it takes to get me to go to heaven. Maybe a lot of work needs to be done on me, hee.

So actually I shouldn't be confident enough to be taking pictures while driving. In an interstate highway. With the apocalyptic clouds hovering above me. 

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